Farkin k

Hello blogworld. Its been a long time. More than a year now! Oh so much has happened. I kinda hope no one really reads this. I feel as if this blog thing will get personal and I don't think I really want it to.. the openness like ew, probably thats one of the main reasons why I stopped plus its been sometime since I hopped on my mac. I don't know how I managed back then posting photos and just manage in general. It feels like such a hassle. Anywho, reading some posts back, I still feel as if I'm in the same spot as silly and sad as that sounds. Back to square one.. Right now I am in a shit hating mood. I was seeing this guy we hanged out heaps! well mainly once a week for awhile and I actually really liked him. If you know me.. Its hard for me to find someone I actually like but I always blow it and letting them go so easily. So many things I regret not doing and not saying but I do it again and again anyways ugh. I really don't learn and do feel my mind is delayed in understanding what is happening at the time. I am also afraid of doing things I haven't done, the new, as do most people. I know you gotta try to find out aye but oh the anxiety and dreadful thoughts or I could just say they're really not the one. It's sad to say that I still miss him brings me so much pain. Think a reason is cos I didn't really do anything majorly wrong? and he left me slowly like that.. and it hurts. And the other shitty feeling is that I can imagine him being happy now and I'm left here torn. I got so much anger in me. He is a really cool guy though, had many traits that I liked and was ideal to me. Our convo wasn't too great I have to say and there was always a doubt that it wouldn't work out as much as I wanted to ugh. I really want to move on.. It's been awhile already until yesterday when he came.. stupid k. So many triggers. I wish to meet some new people and be more happier. These days those dating apps are in. I do not really like using them. Majority, you know what they want. I need a friend buddy. I'm not that social or motivated so its pretty hard and tough. Why you so neg kat? Painting, music and my cat and dog is what gets me going these days. Singing is great. It lets so much out but I need to find something else new to do. I've also been going to the gym time to time and riding my bike which makes me feel good. I think this will be enough for now. Till next time..